This week I’ve been going through boxes of memories that I’ve collected from high school and college. I’m trying to whittle (I love that word) down and consolidate what is meaningful from what is frivolous. It has been so amazing to actually take the time and have a look back over my life and see God’s hand so constant and steady – even when I didn’t even acknowledge His presence in my life.

I found this excerpt from a book written by Ruth Bell Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, when I was in college. I don’t even remember the name of the book, but this quote spoke to me so strongly that I copied it down and kept it on a cluttered bullentin board that hung over my bed. From dorm room to dorm room it stayed on there, and some how has managed to not get thrown out over 4 moves. I don’t want to loose it now, and I know it can speak to you as well.

A little background on this excerpt… Mrs. Graham wrote this when she had been married for a while and was longing for children. It was her heart’s desire to be a wife and a mom. The point I was at in my life when I found this quote was a single girl in college with that same longing. My heart had been broken, and I was seeking the Lord for His healing. This pierced my heart. I had no idea how much I would follow in her footsteps with this longing – not only for a husband (that was no where in sight at that time) and for children (that I wondered if I would ever conceive).

With out further ado…

It’s from God. Somehow it’s easier to drink the bitter when it’s God’s hand that holds the cup. God knows… And so I can’t even pray except that He have His way. Though He knows the uncontrollable longing, He knows too that I want nothing that He doesn’t want for me.

He can overrule. I don’t doubt that one minute. But whether or not He thinks it best is something else.

It helps to write since I can’t unburden to anyone but the Lord. Oh, not that He isn’t more, far far more that I could need. And this has drawn me near to Him. He is so good to me and so tender and interested…but we mortals do love to lean on the flesh. Maybe the Lord doesn’t want us to think too hard and long about ________ but simply to trust Him.

Are you going through something right now that is a bitter cup, an unanswered prayer, a worrisome situation? I find it so easy to run to Chris, my mom, or a friend with my worries. They truly know no better than I do. Only Jesus does. Complete surrender is a tough place to arrive at sometimes, but when you do – O THE FREEDOM!!!!!! I pray that you are able to release your desires, your troubles, your heartache and hold on to Jesus with all of your might. He is so so good, and will bless you for holding onto Him instead of your own plan. Know He loves you and wants you to delight in Him. He is WONDERFUL!

In case this post or other posts makes it seem like I have it together myself – I DON’T! I have times and situations that I worry like crazy over – it’s my weakness. So this post is just as much for me! My biggest worry right now is that all 3 of my babies will make it. Of course I want them to be healthy and thriving when they are born, I want to carry them as long as possible, but the simplest(and scariest) desire is for them to survive. Only Jesus knows… He is the only one I can trust. He loves my babies more than I do! So, I’ve got to remind myself over and over again to go to Him, bow my heart before Him, and surrender my worries and fears to Him. After all… “He’s got the itty bitty babies in His hands…”

And He’s got you in His hands, too.