Hey!

Well, I am 37 weeks & 2 days today.  Went to the midwife & saw my favorite girl – Kate.  Let me update on what’s going on with me and Haven.  All is well – Praise the Lord!  Haven is head down – yay, but is measuring a full 2 weeks ahead.  So that would be 39 weeks 2 days.  No wonder I get comments like – Dang, you must be havin’ twins!!  and Gosh, your baby is big!!  (Had these two lovely comments spoken to me today by strangers).  I had a ultrasound last week @ 36.5 weeks & she ‘weighed’ in at 8 pounds – yikes!  Ya know how I’ve been joking that she has a luxury apartment in my womb?  Well, it’s true.  I saw her couch and little jacuzzi all set up in there.  I kid, I kid.  But, I do have a ton of extra room and plenty of fluid.  She moves all around still – some days her feet are on my left side, some days on my right.  Her little bottom bumps right up under my belly button.  Tons of room, I tell ya.  So, if I was her, I probably wouldn’t bother trying to come out either.   She probably hears all the chaos out here & is thinking, I’ll come out when I’m really big so that I can hold my own against those other noisy kids!!  Tonight Warner dropped his sippy cup on the ground and she jumped in my belly.  It was so funny!  Glad she can hear!  Anyway, I would appreciate your prayers that she comes out soon.  I had Harper at 37 weeks 5 days, and she was 7 lbs 11 oz and very healthy. 

Another reason I haven’t been blogging much lately is that the Lord has really been taking me through some refining times.  Motherhood is not easy, but it is refining.  Some things He has been teaching me…

– I really want a natural birth/ VBAC not because ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ but because I have 4 little ones at home and frankly recovery wouldn’t be as hard.  I know that God made my body to birth a baby and to recover as well.  My c-section was very hard to recover from – and I had zero complications.  Just the fact that it was surgery made it difficult.  I had an epidural with Harper, and her birth was beautiful.  My back was sore off and on over the next few months where the epidural was placed – nothing horrible, though.  I just know I would be back to ‘myself’ faster if I just did this au naturale.  However, the Lord has been showing me that even if I do have to have a CS, it will be okay.  This is really out of my control, and becoming a slightly increased possibility to a big and healthy baby!  However, I do not need to fear what type of birth I have or when Haven will make her entrance.  He has this all in His control, in His hands.  He knows the desire of my heart, but I’ve got to trust that He knows whats best.  I’ve planned the best that I can.  I’ve informed myself, and set out to do what I think will be the best for my family.  God may have something different in store, and I have to trust Him for that.    These are some quotes I’ve read on Twitter the last few days that have really encouraged me:

– The Lord has also really been refining me through being a mother.  I saw this quote the other day on twitter and it pretty much sums up what the Lord has been bringing to light the last month or so…

I will be honest on here and say that mothering 4 little ones – almost 5 little ones- under the age of 4 is a lot of pressure.  Pressure like none I’ve ever experienced.  And I wish I could say I’m holding up great!  Piece of cake, no problem!  But, while there is nothing detrimental is going on, I’m really not doing that great of a job. Lots of things came very naturally to me when I had babies.  But now we have entered an age that I feel is quite foreign and I don’t really know what to do.  I am seeing very quickly that the foundation of these little lives are all up to me and Chris to lay for them.  I could ignore some things, let some things slip by, but their foundation won’t be as solid. 

Now, I know a lot of my frustration (and joy) comes from the fact that I am *big* pregnant right now.  Getting down to meet the eyes of a disobedient little boy or sassy little girl is about impossible.  I’ve tried, but fail at consistency, and that frustrates me- causing the pressure to build.  Little ones desperately need consistency.  Not perfection, just to know boundaries.  Boundary lines are drawn with consistency.  I have not been offering this to them.

They not only need consistent boundary lines, but they need consistent love as well.  I know they love me because they forgive so quickly and love whole-heartedly.  I want the house to be happy, content, loving, secure and I realize that tone is set by me.  Afternoons and meal times have become a major stresser for me, and I let that show too quickly.  Not the vision of love and security I envisioned for my home.  I raise my voice too often and shoo them out of the kitchen too much.   I have 4 toddlers.  Toddlers = picky = lots of food discarded =  frustrated mama.  I care about their nutrition, and seriously am sometimes at a loss.  I don’t know if I should just serve what they will eat so food won’t be wasted, or just take the chance that lots of food will be wasted, but at least they have new and different things placed before them to try.  Any suggestions? 

Even though I have been very discouraged in my mothering skills as of late, the Lord has heard lots of my prayers and has brought me some great encouragement via books.  No, I don’t have tons of time to read, but I am so desperate to change my yucky, non consistent, loose-my-mind-at-dinner-time ways that I find time to read.  5 minutes when the kids are happily playing!  20 minutes or so at nap time, a few minutes before bed and voila – I’ve read about 45 minutes that day!  And I can tell my attitude is changing… not quickly, but it is changing.  I’m learning tools for having little ones and how to mold them effectively.  I’m determined to change and become a better Mom…even if it’s painful at times for me.  Some of the books I’m going through bit by bit are:

* Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp
* Heartfelt Discipline: The Gentle Art of Training and Guiding Your Child by Clay Clarkson
* A Love That Multiplys (The Duggars new book)
* Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic

All of these are really helping shape my role as a mother, give me a guide as to how to raise children who love the Lord  – opposed to just doing what my parents did and crossing my fingers & hoping it works.  Parenting has to be more intentional than that! (Mom and Dad, you did a great job – really you did!)   Oh, and  I realize my children all have free wills, but I am determined to be faithful on my part.  I hope maybe one or all of them can encourage you, too!!

Anyway, I would love your prayers as I continue on this journey – in mothering and in waiting for our 5th child.  Hope this transparent post breaks down any idea that I’m super mom.  I love my babies. I still can’t believe I have been blessed with 5 little, sweet and sticky babies in less than 4 years.  I am grateful beyond words, but I need my Lord to change me if I’m going to be an effective Mama.  Oh, and let me know how I can pray for you too.  If only we could encourage each other more!!

Love,