This morning has been so precious. We have been super crazy busy this weekend as we have been doing the move-in process. The new floors are in. So is the carpet. The painting is still a work-in-progress because our furniture was surprisingly delivered on Saturday evening (they weren’t supposed to come until today).
I had my plan all mapped out for this morning. I was going to wake up, feed Harper, get ready, go by Starbucks, get to the townhouse, put Harps down for her nap, then finish painting her room. Once she woke up, we were going to go by the Dr’s office to pay a bill and change our address. Then head to Michael’s do snoop out a few projects that I want to do in her room. So that was the plan…
After I fed her, I felt the Lord calling to me to spend time with him. Do I go with my previous plan, or stop and sit? I am so glad that the plan changed. I’ve been doing “Jesus, The One and Only” by Beth Moore. So many times I study a topic or about someone’s faith in the Bible or read a quick devotional – while all these things are good and have their place, I love this study because there is nothing like studying about My Jesus and his LIFE. Oh what love he shows me daily. He is so PERSONAL and INTIMATE in my life that I cannot help but love Him dearly. I want everyone to know Him. I had started to do the study while Harper was playing in her exersaucer. I had gotten the first page done and was just getting into the meat of it when she started getting fussy. So, I turned on the TV to put on a baby signs DVD for her, and Regis and Kelly were on featuring some cool looking Broadway show. I got distracted from my task at hand (sneaky enemy), and started watching for about a minute when the TV lost service. Coincidence? I think not!!! Jesus, thank you for calling me back to you. Thank you for looking past my lack of focus. Thank you for your mercy and not giving up on me. I put the DVD in and continued with my study.
This morning it was on having faith… specifically about the father who brought his son to Jesus to be healed… and basically said, Jesus, I believe… help my unbelief. (oh there is so much more to this study that I want to write because it was awesome!) I sat their facing some of my unbelief, my fears, and looked them in the eye – feeling quite overwhelmed. Then, I turned from them and looked Jesus in the eye. I literally felt the fears looming overhead, beckoning me to turn from Jesus and “feel the doom they want to instill in me.” Yet, Jesus is so good, helping me from my unbelief. Calming my fears. Building my courage and my trust in Him.
I remember when I was in college, I had my heart terribly broken. My mom, sister, and I had a girls weekend in the mountains right after it happened. I remember not getting out of bed one day because my heart was so sad. My mom came by my bed, and got me up to eat some breakfast. The day was just so hard. I was crying a lot and feeling the heart pain. What happened next is a precious memory that comes to visit me so often – especially when I am hurting. My mom came and had me stand up, and she hugged me and swayed with me while she sang to me…
Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His love and His grace.
She sang it over and over again. Then she had me sing it with her. While the pain did not dissipate immediately, it did lessen over time. I had to look at Jesus’ face, though. And once again, boy am I glad the plan changed.
One of my fears that hangs over me now is losing Harper. I think that this is a fear of every mother, but for some reason it seems increased in me recently. Maybe because I know of so many moms who have lost their babies recently. Yet, in every different situation, I see that the Lord has a greater purpose. And these Mom’s faith… Wow. So as I was turning this fear over to the Lord this morning, looking at him, letting Him hold my face in his hands and telling me “not to fear, Mary Lindsey, I have a plan that is better than yours – no matter what I decide or allow to do with Harper’s life,” my sweet baby girl started crying. She was tired of the DVD and of the 5 million distraction her exersaucer held. She wanted me. So, I picked her up, changed her diaper, and nursed her to sleep (schedule out the window in so many ways!), and I just held her and looked at her. I don’t know what the Lord has planned for her life. I don’t know what he has planned for my life or your life. But I know that He is FAITHFUL. I know that he looks at you and me the way I looked at my sweet girl sleeping this morning – with so much love that it hurts. I know that he holds the moms and dads who have lost their little ones in His palm, pressed tightly to His heart. And He is good. He loves me and you even more than we can fathom.
So, when our plan goes differently than imagined… whether it be a to do list that doesn’t get checked off, or a life plan that is changed in an instant, we can know that Jesus IS TRUSTWORTHY. HE is greater than all we can ask or imagine.
I love this song by Brooke Fraser, and I think of all these men and women whose world seems to slip out from under their feet… They will be found in HIM. I WILL be found in Him! Praise you Jesus!!!!!