Well, now that you have seen a glimpse of my heart, and all that has gone on over the past several months. I hope you can also see the Lord’s faithfulness to us! God truly wants to bless each and every one of us in His own way and in His own time. We get so distracted when we look at other people’s lives and compare our life to their life. We see we either come up short in our own eyes, or we want the path that has been paved for them. If we just keep our eyes focused on Jesus, and not on what other people have been blessed with, that is when you are truly able to see the heart of God and what He wants for you.
This past December was a turning point for me. I went home over Christmas looking forward to a time of rest as well as family and Christmas fun! Chris and I had a wonderful time being with my family and celebrating. The last night we were there, I found out a friend of mine was having twins. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out on how to be strong, something from out of nowhere comes and takes you out! Well, that night was so hard for me. It has been a dream of mine to have twins (I may not know what I am dreaming of!), but when I found that out I just felt like I was in the bottom of a pit. I was tired of the cycle of wanting to be pregnant and not being pregnant, I felt consumed by it.
My mom gave me one of Beth Moore’s books- Get Out of The Pit, and it truly helped me to start seeking Christ not for a blessing but for WHO He is! I needed him to heal my broken soul, and meet the deep desire of my heart. I set out in 2007 seeking him every morning. I laid on the altar before Him asking Him to take my broken heart and make it whole.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after Righteousness, for they shall be filled. Matthew 5:6
Fill He did. My life began to change. I had peace flood me once again. I was able to take my focus off the desire to have a baby and place it on Christ.
January 19th, I went for my monthly exam at the Gyno , and He said that in my HSG test, he thinks he sees something that requires further testing. So, I went to a second exam where they did an ultrasound to discover a cyst/polyp that needs to be removed. So, on February 28th, I’m going in to have that taken out via Hysteroscopy.
The Lord is so good! They think that this is all that is stopping us from getting pregnant. I pray and hope that it is! I know so many other women go through a hard time of desiring to have a baby – years and years of trying. I know we will see the hand of the Lord! That is the reason for this site… to see God’s hand at work! He is so good.
Thank you Lord for allowing us to see glimpses of where you have been!
I love you!