Well, it is Memorial Day, and Chris and I have been having a fun time hanging out today, fixing up the house with adorable screen doors, an american flag, and a tomato plant. I finally have some time to update our webpage.
Well, let me see where I left off… we have been waiting two months. This was supposed to be the month that Chris and I would begin trying. However, we went ahead and tried the first month (in April). For some reason or another, that month had so much hope wrapped up in it because it was our 3 year anniversary and we had so much hope because of my surgery.
When I got my period, I really went through a really tough week. Chris was out of town at a conference, and I was home by myself. I also found out one of my college roomates, Kristen, was having twins. That was harder than I can even describe. However, this week was an amazing turning point for me. I was able to talk to a lady from my church, Lisa, about her struggle with infertility and she now has 3 beautiful girls. She understood – someone who truly undestood for the first time. She shared that a lot of her struggle was about wanting this dream in her timing vs. God’s timing. The folllowing Sunday, Dr. Cox spoke on jealousy – whoa…. that split my heart in two! Which needed to be done! That night Chris also gave me some loving advice that I have been trying to live out in the past 2 months… First, he said that I needed to change my focus – to run after my Lord and Savior with the passion that I’ve been running after pregnancy with. He also said that I needed to place him second, right after God. My focus did get messed up by trying. I wanted to get pregnant more than anything! I needed to change that, and I have! Truly!
I have been falling in love with Jesus more and more as well as falling in love with my husband. Pregnancy is not controlling my life anymore – I am controlling my life! As far as trying goes, I’m taking each month at a time. I’ve decided I’m going to start running again. I found this cool website that will help me train to run 3 miles… http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml. I’m doing Weight Watchers, and just caring for my health as well as enjoying this sweet time with Chris. I don’t know when a baby is in the Lord’s plans for us, but I do believe that He does have that blessing for us one day. Right now, I want to live every day fully and appreciate life with no children right now. I know there will still be hard times – like when I find out other friends are pregnant. However, I trust. I give thanks.
I don’t wanna’ spend my life jaded
Waitin’ to wake up one day and find
That I’ve let all these years go by
Oh I don’t wanna’ keep on wishing, missin’
The still of the morning’ the color of the night
I ain’t spending no more time
– Carrie Underwood
My life is my own, a blessing that I am responsible for living for Christ – His empty vessel. I will keep you posted on all that He is doing in our lives.
All my love –