Lots of Learning & 37 weeks


Well, I am 37 weeks & 2 days today.  Went to the midwife & saw my favorite girl – Kate.  Let me update on what’s going on with me and Haven.  All is well – Praise the Lord!  Haven is head down – yay, but is measuring a full 2 weeks ahead.  So that would be 39 weeks 2 days.  No wonder I get comments like – Dang, you must be havin’ twins!!  and Gosh, your baby is big!!  (Had these two lovely comments spoken to me today by strangers).  I had a ultrasound last week @ 36.5 weeks & she ‘weighed’ in at 8 pounds – yikes!  Ya know how I’ve been joking that she has a luxury apartment in my womb?  Well, it’s true.  I saw her couch and little jacuzzi all set up in there.  I kid, I kid.  But, I do have a ton of extra room and plenty of fluid.  She moves all around still – some days her feet are on my left side, some days on my right.  Her little bottom bumps right up under my belly button.  Tons of room, I tell ya.  So, if I was her, I probably wouldn’t bother trying to come out either.   She probably hears all the chaos out here & is thinking, I’ll come out when I’m really big so that I can hold my own against those other noisy kids!!  Tonight Warner dropped his sippy cup on the ground and she jumped in my belly.  It was so funny!  Glad she can hear!  Anyway, I would appreciate your prayers that she comes out soon.  I had Harper at 37 weeks 5 days, and she was 7 lbs 11 oz and very healthy. 

Another reason I haven’t been blogging much lately is that the Lord has really been taking me through some refining times.  Motherhood is not easy, but it is refining.  Some things He has been teaching me…

– I really want a natural birth/ VBAC not because ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ but because I have 4 little ones at home and frankly recovery wouldn’t be as hard.  I know that God made my body to birth a baby and to recover as well.  My c-section was very hard to recover from – and I had zero complications.  Just the fact that it was surgery made it difficult.  I had an epidural with Harper, and her birth was beautiful.  My back was sore off and on over the next few months where the epidural was placed – nothing horrible, though.  I just know I would be back to ‘myself’ faster if I just did this au naturale.  However, the Lord has been showing me that even if I do have to have a CS, it will be okay.  This is really out of my control, and becoming a slightly increased possibility to a big and healthy baby!  However, I do not need to fear what type of birth I have or when Haven will make her entrance.  He has this all in His control, in His hands.  He knows the desire of my heart, but I’ve got to trust that He knows whats best.  I’ve planned the best that I can.  I’ve informed myself, and set out to do what I think will be the best for my family.  God may have something different in store, and I have to trust Him for that.    These are some quotes I’ve read on Twitter the last few days that have really encouraged me:

Faith is having a positive attitude about 
what you can do and 
not worrying at all about what you can’t do.  
-Joyce Meyer
 God knows the future. 
You don’t. 
So stop worrying and make wise decisions.
Trust Him with the results. 
– Clayton King

– The Lord has also really been refining me through being a mother.  I saw this quote the other day on twitter and it pretty much sums up what the Lord has been bringing to light the last month or so…

You never really know yourself until you see yourself under pressure. 
– Joyce Meyer

I will be honest on here and say that mothering 4 little ones – almost 5 little ones- under the age of 4 is a lot of pressure.  Pressure like none I’ve ever experienced.  And I wish I could say I’m holding up great!  Piece of cake, no problem!  But, while there is nothing detrimental is going on, I’m really not doing that great of a job. Lots of things came very naturally to me when I had babies.  But now we have entered an age that I feel is quite foreign and I don’t really know what to do.  I am seeing very quickly that the foundation of these little lives are all up to me and Chris to lay for them.  I could ignore some things, let some things slip by, but their foundation won’t be as solid. 

Now, I know a lot of my frustration (and joy) comes from the fact that I am *big* pregnant right now.  Getting down to meet the eyes of a disobedient little boy or sassy little girl is about impossible.  I’ve tried, but fail at consistency, and that frustrates me- causing the pressure to build.  Little ones desperately need consistency.  Not perfection, just to know boundaries.  Boundary lines are drawn with consistency.  I have not been offering this to them.

They not only need consistent boundary lines, but they need consistent love as well.  I know they love me because they forgive so quickly and love whole-heartedly.  I want the house to be happy, content, loving, secure and I realize that tone is set by me.  Afternoons and meal times have become a major stresser for me, and I let that show too quickly.  Not the vision of love and security I envisioned for my home.  I raise my voice too often and shoo them out of the kitchen too much.   I have 4 toddlers.  Toddlers = picky = lots of food discarded =  frustrated mama.  I care about their nutrition, and seriously am sometimes at a loss.  I don’t know if I should just serve what they will eat so food won’t be wasted, or just take the chance that lots of food will be wasted, but at least they have new and different things placed before them to try.  Any suggestions? 

Even though I have been very discouraged in my mothering skills as of late, the Lord has heard lots of my prayers and has brought me some great encouragement via books.  No, I don’t have tons of time to read, but I am so desperate to change my yucky, non consistent, loose-my-mind-at-dinner-time ways that I find time to read.  5 minutes when the kids are happily playing!  20 minutes or so at nap time, a few minutes before bed and voila – I’ve read about 45 minutes that day!  And I can tell my attitude is changing… not quickly, but it is changing.  I’m learning tools for having little ones and how to mold them effectively.  I’m determined to change and become a better Mom…even if it’s painful at times for me.  Some of the books I’m going through bit by bit are:

* Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
* Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp
* Heartfelt Discipline: The Gentle Art of Training and Guiding Your Child by Clay Clarkson
* A Love That Multiplys (The Duggars new book)
* Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic

All of these are really helping shape my role as a mother, give me a guide as to how to raise children who love the Lord  – opposed to just doing what my parents did and crossing my fingers & hoping it works.  Parenting has to be more intentional than that! (Mom and Dad, you did a great job – really you did!)   Oh, and  I realize my children all have free wills, but I am determined to be faithful on my part.  I hope maybe one or all of them can encourage you, too!!

Anyway, I would love your prayers as I continue on this journey – in mothering and in waiting for our 5th child.  Hope this transparent post breaks down any idea that I’m super mom.  I love my babies. I still can’t believe I have been blessed with 5 little, sweet and sticky babies in less than 4 years.  I am grateful beyond words, but I need my Lord to change me if I’m going to be an effective Mama.  Oh, and let me know how I can pray for you too.  If only we could encourage each other more!!


11 thoughts on “Lots of Learning & 37 weeks

  1. Thank you for your honesty. I just hate when I “see what’s inside me” when I get quick-tempered with my little girls. Oh, I hate it! This is refining for sure, I just don’t want it to be at the expense of my girls! May God be glorified in these times. May it bring us on our knees (and thankfully it is!)

    Praying for your upcoming birth. Proud of you for attempting natural- you can do it! I know it’s late in the game, but do you have a doula? I couldn’t have gone natural without her I don’t think. She helped a ton!

  2. ML, just hearing your heart means so much. I think we all have our trying times and the quotes that you shared from Joyce Meyers really hit home for me. I am thankful for your testimony because you are such an encouraging momma. Praying for you as you prepare for that sweet little Haven and become a family of 5!

  3. Just wanted to encourage you that God gives us what we need for each day. I am the Mama of 6 kids who at one time were all under 7. (8,8,7,5,3,1) we had 5 under 5 at one point. I remember it being so hard when they were younger. I feel like Gods plan is to keep me completely dependant on Him. Lies Women Believe spoke to me when it identified the lie “if my circumstances were different I would be different” where really it’s revealing what is in us. This stage with many young children has (and is) really revealing what is in my heart. It is SO humbling!

    I have also prayed hard that God will fill my heart with joy

    as I serve my family. This time where our children are completely in our world is so short. Enjoy it! In reading your blog I can tell that you are.

    As for the food, it drives me nuts to waste! Probably because we are n a strict budget. Our multiples were horrible eaters when they were younger and they grew out if it. We serve only veggies first. When they are done with those, we serve the main dish. This has worked well in our family. (they can choose not to eat but that is all that is offered)

    hope this is encouraging.

  4. can not believe your already 37 weeks! So close. I believe in your ability to vbac, even if your baby is bigger than your harper! The great thing about ultrasounds is they can be off by as much as two lbs with those weight measurements. They said my little guy was going to be so big, but was only 7lbs14oz. Either way this little is gonna have a wild time with her big siblings! Congrats and good luck!

  5. I will lift you up! And I want you to know, that your honesty lifts me up! This post really spoke to me and I am so thankful that over the course of my life, you have been a part of it!

    Mothering is the most difficult thing I can think of. And it is a sacred task that reaps unbelievable rewards. But nothing this precious comes without a high cost, and that cost, is self-sacrifice–which you demonstrate beautifully!

    Love you! And I will keep praying that God would refine us both!

  6. Oh girl, I have such respect for you! I don’t know how you do it. I have moments of total frustration and anger with only twins. I always feel so ashamed for feeling this way too. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has moments of weakness. I think about you all the time when I’m having a hard day because I have to remind myself that I have it much easier and I shouldn’t complain. Thanks for the book recommendations. I’ll have to look into a few. I’ll be praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby girl, as well as patience and guidance with the little ones. I’ll need it as well to bring things boys up in the way of the Lord. Please let me know if I could do anything for you. I’m always here for help.

  7. Oh, ML…it is like I am reading my thoughts. And I only have two babies..bless you. I have been very convicted lately of my lack of patience, quick temper, and lack of understanding that I have babies NOT adults! And you are encouraging me because you remind me that I need to be seeking the Lord and allow Him to shine through. I think daily of what more I could be doing for my kids to know the Lord more and more and yet dot do a very good job. So, needless to say I totally understand. Thank you for always being so honest-love you and can’t wait to hear of haven’s arrival! Also, can you send me your address?

  8. So great to read a post from you! We’ll be thinking of you during the next couple weeks, cannot WAIT to see pictures of little Haven Joy… you seriously pick THE BEST names!

  9. thank you so much for your authenticity ML! your littles are so blessed to have a mama who raises them so intentionally. i just said a prayer for you. i pray that the Lord will convict me in the areas i need to grow as a mama as well. thank you for sharing!

  10. Love you friend. Thanks for your honesty. So glad that the books are an encouragement to you!!!! They are awesome resources!!!

    Can’t wait to hear about Haven’s entrance. Love ya!

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