These days are passing by so quickly. I think the fog is finally lifting from discovering that we are doubling our family in a few months, as well as from being so tired and sick all.the.time.
I am feeling much better – still not completely normal – but MUCH better than trimester 1! (normal won’t be a feeling I’m feeling until a couple weeks -or months- after I give birth) However, I’m not wishing the day away anymore, and I am trying to take in and appreciate this time with Harper. I know once the babies arrive that I will still make special time for Harper, but it is never going to be like it has been. And that makes my heart a little sad. From the time she was born, I had this innate sense to soak in each day. My mom would tell me, “I have never known anyone to enjoy your baby as much as you do.” (I’m sure others have, but you know what i mean :-)) I don’t know if it is because it took us so long to get pregnant with Harper, or if the Lord gave me this ‘sense’ as a gift. I would never have this experience again.
From the moment she was born, I bonded with her – as many mother do with their children :-). I enjoyed every single nursing session, her tiny cries, snuggling with her during the day, taking her for walks in the afternoon, prepping dinner as she watched from a blanket or swing, giving her baths, picking her up from her crib so she would nap on me, etc. Chris helped with all of this, but I took on the primary roll of doing stuff for Harper… after all, I had the food :-).
She started weaning herself from me around 7 1/2 months. So, we started supplementing with formula. This lightened my load on caring for her on my own a ton because others could help feed her. I also loosened up and let others (um, my mom, sister, Chris, close friends) give her baths and feed her. I was learning that I couldn’t do it all, and still be a good wife to Chris. I was learning to let others help me. It is amazing looking back at how much Harper has taught me and prepared me for triplets. And I am so glad of the gift of cherishing so much alone time, and caring for her on my own because I know this time around I won’t be able to do it all. I know I will have moments with each baby, but it won’t be the constant bonding that I had with Harper. We will need help, and I will deeply appreciate the help (I already do!!!)
I say all of this because I have been trying to be intentional about spending time and cherishing Harper. Due to being sick and tired, I haven’t been able to care for her very much…and, I’ve missed it! My time is now limited in doing the everyday things that are blessings in disguise….I am enjoying giving her baths and letting her play a little longer with her duckies in the tub while we laugh and squeal together. I am loving going into her room in the morning to a sleepyhead little girl who has gathered all of her pacies in her hands like they are treasures. I am blessed to pick her up and snuggle her in the rocking chair. I love reading her books while I rock her… my lap is quickly shrinking! I love being able to pick out her clothes and dress her. I really don’t mind giving up diaper duty (as it is the one thing that about makes me lose my lunch daily!ha!no matter if its 1 or 2 – ha!) I love combing her hair, putting bows in it, and smelling the nape of her neck. I love dancing with her in the living room to silly music from her toys or one of her baby DVDs. I love being able to pick her up and carry her where we need to go.
Next week, these activities are going to have to start changing. I have about 4 weeks to work with Harper to help her transition and learn that mommy can’t pick her up anymore. This is going to be so hard. I find myself cheating all the time. At 20 weeks, the doctors want me to chill as much as possible with NO lifting. I will still be in the house and able to watch Harper, and love on her, but I just won’t be able to care for her like I’m used to… like she’s used to. We have the greatest girl coming to help out and keep Harper during the day. Kyla is so precious with the biggest heart, and I know Harps is going to have a B-L-A-S-T with her! What makes me sad, is that Harper isn’t going to be this tiny every again. She isn’t going to need me as much as she needs me now. These days are fleeting, so I will treasure them while I have them to hold.
God is so good, and I know this is part of his plan… not only for my life & Chris’ life, but for Harper’s testimony as well as Baby A, B, & C’s testimonies. She will still be a baby when these babies get here… not even 2 yet! I look forward to seeing how this is going to shape all of their futures, and to one day learn the plans that God has for us.
I cherish this time…